Pride & Prejudice 2: Return To Darcy
by Limbob
Summary: Elizabeth and Lydia adn frends are  back!
1. Chapter 1

The girls and I were riding in the back of the carriage on their way to the big house from the shopping.

"Oh Elizabeth, it's not an ugly bonnet!" said Lydia excitedly. "I'm going to put lace on it"

I thought it was a very ugly bonnet- Lydia had bought it for about $8.99, and everyone said it was such a rip off!

"OMG Lydia I can't believe you're actually going to wear that!" questioned Emily Bronté.

"I know!" I said, lazily. Lydia had been acting so strange lately, I didn't really want her in our group any more. Then she made me mad.

"OMG don't you think Darcy is SOOOO totally HOT!" she SHOUTED! How dare she she knwe I liked darcy the most

"NOO I LIKE Collin, hes FITT" said Emily, "Don't you think so Liz?" she asked me, but I pretended to ignore it.

Just then the carriage got to the house and we exited it, sadly.


	2. Chapter 2

My name is Liz Jane Bennett, and I live in posh house in Heartford in London. My sisters Emily Bronnté and Lydia Benet my friends Charlotte and I all are best friends and we do evrything 2gether!

Anyway I excited the carrige to go in the house. I looked at my watch and sawed it was 9:30 P.M. And it was very late. I opened the door but it was already open and there was a person behind it.

It was...DARCY!

"OMG whut are you doing here!" I shouted questionly. I was angry at him cos of our divorce.

"NOTHING!" he said quietly. Then he went away and I unhappily cried.

Emily and Charltote came with me on the sofa where I was sitting.

"Are you okay?" questionned Emily

"What does it look liek, bitch?" I saisd, but then felt bad cos shes my sister and everything. "I'm sorry I said"

We all hugged each other and then out the windown I saw Lydia was finally coming, wearng her ugly bonnet and then she bumped into Darcy who started FLIRTING ITH HER.

"Hey" she said.

"Oh hi!" he said but he tripped up cos he was texting on his brown sence and sencibulty mobile. She started laughin and gave him er number. I wass o mad but I didn't even need to hear what they said to know it.

I went to the hall and there...SHE WAS!


	3. Chapter 3

I looked at Lydia angrilly and sparks of fury fell ffrom me

"I SAW WHAT YOU DID"

no no its not what it looks lik-"

"DONT TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME" and then I attacked her with my nails

"no no pLEASE" she grovelld at my power/skill and then I stopped even tho i'm related to mr collins (AN: he is a bad person)

"i'm sorry Lydia" I said and my treas came from my eyes. She got up and hugged me

"its okay I forgive you" she said, cryingly and then "youre the best, I no you didnt mean it"

now it was all over the four of us put on a movie- we watched bridget joans diarrhea which I thoutgh waz really cool cos she's posh and englesh. Often people say i'm a bit like bridget joan (AN: srsly watch this movie or els ur wurkin class). We got to a bit when she locked all cool and posh and upper class and was openning art gallerys all the tym.

Just then I got a text message on my brown sence & sensible phone. It was Darcy – what a dick I yoghurt. It sed "Liz im sorry I didnt mean it take me back" but I was like "yeah rite im not stupid you second-rate delinquent!".

But then Emily brontosaur...PRESSED SEND

"OMFG why you do that?" I said and charlotte started crying. Darcy's jaguar (the lisence plac said POSH) suddenly pulled up outside, upperclassly. He had a gun!11

HE STORMED INTO THE BIG HOUSE AND nocked down the door- "ok hu sent da messaje!" he said quietly loudly.

"I did but I love Lyz" sed Emily bronte and then darcy SHOT HER and she died BLOOD CAME FROM HER everywhere and we all started crying. Even darcy did, and he looked really psoh and I wasn't angry with him any more. I hugged poshly him and he wouldn't let go.

He took off my corset thingy and I took off hi sclotehs and we started SCREWING each other, poshly! He placed his gentlemanly-thing into my lady's questionable and we did it for the first tym (were divorced so its ok)

tehn I rememberd dat lydia charlotte and emily were in the room

"EW YOU PERVS what r u DOIN? Go away" I shouted middleclassly1! (to scare them) I was so poshed off (get it?) htat they were watching us!

"we're sorry but you never said goodby"

"GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE" and then they went away.

Darcy and I went upstairs and started paris kissing (get it cos paris is posh) but then

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE YOU BODACIOUS CHUMPS!1111"

It was...Collin!


	4. Chapter 4

`Mr Collin and me used to be good friensd, back a long time ago about 6 years. He lived only 2000km (an: threy use kilomiles in englanr right?) away which is basically 50 yards and I live at number 1 heartford road and he lived at number six so weed see each other at neibhorhod watch meetins.

At one meetin he was giving a presentation on protecting your mailbox from wurking class peasants.

"Ewww!" said everyone when he mentioned them ocs nobody liks them.

Anyway he caught my eye and got town from his stand when he finishe and we went on a date to the posh cafay.

At the posh cafay we ate posh cakes and it wus realy english!11 but then the waitress was middleclass and I was really poshed off (get it again with him cos I thorgth he was a noce guy but hes not posh at all he's cheep!

"thatll be three shillings fifty" she said (remember inflation means thats acshully a lot of money) and I was shocekd that a middle cafay would be so expansive

"seriously where the HECK have ou taken me!" I shouted NASTILY at Collin

then the manager came and I felt bad- he was …... Billingly! (accept I didnt no him yet)

"GIVE ME MY MONEY BITCH!" the nasty waitress hsouted to me and I was upset so I started crying out of my eyes

"Your fired!" THE MANAGER said to her right away cos it was so horrid and she took off her apron and bonnet and left the store. When she put down her bonnet I lucked ad it and sunddely realised who it was

I turned round but Lydia was gone!1 I cryed again then left a $20 bill and ran back to the posh house as fast as I cud.

When I got there anyway Lydia was crying on the sofa and I sat with her poshly.

"why cant I do anything right lizQ!" she said

"im sorry I got your fired, lydia" I said and I still felt bad.

"no its not your faultliz , your the best friend ive ever had!" she said cryingly "its that stupid Collin's fauls, he knew taht would jappen so he did it on porpoise. But now every1's going to find out i'm middleclass becuz of him"

I was annoyd cos then I realised vthat lydia was middle class but instead I said "i hate collin! I thought he was just a nice guy but hes ruined my whole love file now, 'im so depressed" in an elgnish accent and everything!

"i hate him" lidya said

'basterd" I said\\

"I know righ!" lis said to me and then "he's upstairs shouing at darcy and you about something!"

OH CRAP I thought cos I left darcy in my room after we screwed so I dashed upstairs like briget joan did

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE YOU BODACIOUS CHUMPS!" he said

I got there just in tym

"What do you think, you idiot!" I sais like a workig class person (an: its a scary thing in those days) and attacked him with my nails

"No no stop!" Darcy said and he came even though he was naked. You could tell he was posh just by looking at his six-PhD (get it, like six pack burt clever and posh) on his abominable .

"darcy why" I asked him "jhe ruined our marriage"

"no he didn't you did you divorcer!" and I was schockec.

Then the worst thng that could eve rhappen in my life happened before me eyes and I creid from them. Darcy and Collin started SCREWING each other poslhy right before my eyes!

OMG WTF I bellowed byt it was no use and they were in the bedroom. When in finished crying I stormed in there and they were still doing it and BINGLY WAS MAKING A WEAVING OF THEM ON HIS LOOM!


	5. Chapter 5

An: Hey guys plaese read my story, I wurk really hard ar it and your just annoyin me by tellin me what you think off it! I've gotten foru bad revues – stop it! the reason Billabong was perving is cos he's got depresssino about his middle cafay i'm trying to adress the issue of bipolar OKAY!

I COULDNT beleive it at all! I never knew Billingley was such a perv, it made me soo mad! I went in my room and took his weaving of Darcy and Colling.

"Noo Lis i need that give it back! he shouted reactivally.

"Yeah like that ill hoppen!" I shouted sardonically Darcy looked over at me upsetly and I fetl bad for him, and his psoh body that was so well built that I got all hot inside and would enjambment if i wuz a boy but I cant do that you delinquent-

Collin tryed to pill Darcy away, but he refitted and came to me at the other side of my room and he hugged me, but then I rememberd he had an affair with Mr Collin

"Liz won't you have my back? I live you os much and your the poshes person I no relay-" he sayed and started KISSING me just like Meg Ryan (I DESPISE that barbrain) and her bf in Youu've Got mail – I started getting an organism and we started SCREWING and I felt hi,m put my crown on his head (get it?)- he polled off my bar but then I was SO ANGERY before he got his encrustation .

"POSH OFF (get it?) YOU HORRID DOUCHEBAD!111" i CREAMED and kicked him in his gentleman area "you and collin are probably praegant anyway!'

he started crying and I felt so statistic but then Bilberry spoke up "LIZ I WANT TO MAKE A WEAFING FOR YOU IN PLAYBOY"

"What! You r such a weird pesasant!" I saisd angerly "You own a weird middle class cafay, you fire my bset friends, asnd yu arre now so weird peasantly your pervin on my weird murderer bf wen he haz a weird afraid! You won't to make weavings of my posh bod! OMFG God ur such a weirdo!11" I sprayed pepperspray into him and it started hurging him so I laurghed cos he loksed loer class.

I ran away from them and up to my room and lokced the door wif my bridget joan key and I sat on the bed, cryingly. Collin chased after me but he stooped at the door cos he didn't want to invade my piracy.

Just then a noise was at the window, and then a man climed thruogh it! I was so frayed!

"EWW YOU PERV!" I shooted az I garbed my peperspray agian. I didn't know hu it waz, I wonted it to be Lydia but then I rembered that she's not a man

he was a tall man wearing a read army coat really poshly and he looked like mr Wickerham.

He was...WIGCAM!11111

"OMFG wigcam you perv, what are yo

"Slush no time for that now, my names not Wigcam any more. Lidten, lidya I have a task fro you"

"what tqsk is it?"

"I need you to get Labia her job back'

I inhaled.


	6. Chapter 6

An: PLEEEEEASE read my story I can't mak it better if u donot :( :(

I woke up poshly the next da in my bedroom where Darcy adn Collin were SCREWING eahc other and where Wigcam tod me that I hav to get Liz her job back.

I put on a posh pure white corset thingy, two pearls in my piercing ears, and a fancy dress that with shoes that said queen elizabeth on them. Then lydia came to me, she looked more upperclass than seh did yestaday.

"hey LIS, you look amazing today! So posh! She" said

"thankss, you two" I said, but my vouch soudned really horse (get it?).

"Guess what Lizzy"

"What"

"I goat a job at the Royal Albeit Hall! and there's an orkestra playing toinght i've got free tickets!"

"OMFG I LOVE WORCESTERS BUT NO" I said dignifyingly because I idn't want her to have the job but then the free tickets to the broacher were souch amazing I said nothing and thorught I wud weight until later to tell her to get her middle class cafay job back. I thourght about Wigcam and how posh his bod was and then I yoghurt about Lydia and her amazing tickets to the ochre star

'Lets totally go!" "Oh and darcy!" I said cos I wanted darcy to end our divorce cos he's SOO POSH HOT and he makes about 60 shillings a week which is wotrh like $8 million

"completely!"

we went downstairs. Dardy and Collin were still in my bed but id dint mind because I new that I would get him back eventually Emily was in the kitchen eating measley. She wuz wearnig a pretty pink dress with opsh patterns on it and a ruff that said 'all saints' on it

(I dont knoww hat to write for this bit of da story but emily ends up giving liz about $300)

"hey liz, are you going to the concet?" said Emely Bronte

"yeah, are you"

"no my dad won't let me, but I want you to have the monney from the ticket that I bougth."

she gave me like $300 and went away

after emily brownie left, me and Liz decibel to go to the chopin center (get it?) to get new outfits for our concert but darcy came downstiars and asked us where we were going ans why

"Where are you goign?" he asked us, questionly

"To get new outfirts for our concert!" we answerd sadly

"Can I come?" je asked us

"NO!" I said, playing hard 2 acquire

"Where did you get da monday from?"

"WHAT THE FUDE DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?" emiline soothed

"No no she made a mistake! She manet we got it from umm..." I thougrh and thought and then " we got it from Bridget

"Bridget who?"

"Bridget joen!" I said and then we wnet away cos we confused him. Now he was jealous that iw as a lesbian because h'es not met bridge before. He so wanted to SCRES me I could tell that his posh fishing rod trying to reel it in but I didn't say anything cos that's rude do you have no manners you stupid working oaf! was So anyway we met up with bridget at the chopan center and then darcy rang me on my brown sense and sensible mobile phone.

"fricking hell, does that guy never leave you alone!" said Bridget, sexily

"I know, he's so desperate for me its ridiculous" I said under statesmanly

I answered my mobile and it was darcy "Hi Brizabeth" he said

"WHAT!" I answerg ANGRILY

"Oh oh sorry I was just wondering... do you want to go to da concert wif me this evening!"

I inhaled, excitably. When he said it I was kid of in shock but I got all sticky and was ready to SCREW somebody poshly bu the only person nearby was bridget and she's a lesbian (don't you think lesbians are like super cool gfs? eww not like that))and i'm not

"Where did Lydia go?"

"Oh she had to go to her job, at the Roulette Albert Hail"

"foking lower class bitch" I said

"I know right!" said bridget "oh and I have a confession- lets go to da church"

"OMFG TOTALLY!" I love churchez, they're like my favourite posh thing except thats not possible cos da kween is WAY posher

so anyway we got into St alberts church (where the concert would be later on) and bridget went in the concessions box. I waitred outside and listened to her confetti.

"Father – I killed Lynda! 1and then I put her in the pie that I gave to you! I'm so sorry" she started crying tears out of her eyes but the vicker started laughing and I thoughr he was SO RUDE AND TOWER CLASS!111

so I went to see the vicker and I inhaled because it was …... WIGKAM! and he was weaving da confession onto his loom for his gossip magazine!

"OMGosh" I stated (get it?)

"No no you don't understand! LEAVE YOUR NALES NO"

I attaked him with my nails NATSITLY!1 he was such a nastard (get it?) but den I rememberd I was at church and I didn't want the real vicker to rope me.

"Oh no will he make a weaving of me for palyboy too?" I cried tears sadly from my eyes and Wigkam tried to hug me. He looked so posh and awesome kind of like a crucifix (get it?) between Prince Philander and stefan fry (omg don't you think bi polar guys are so hot?)

"eww get off yOU PERV! I don't wanna be in your gossip mag EVA!"

"Elijah beth you failed to get Lidya her jobb ack! Now I must HURT you""

I ran away cryingly and then I realised that Bridgett wasn't with me! I was so mad and sad I went back ro hte concession box and saw her. She was …...DEAD

"NOOOOOOOOO"

I can't wait to screw darcy


End file.
